transfundere | TLV Inbox

They seem well-suited for the type of imagery I tend to see. Vivid's definitely a good term for it. I had been trying sketching but apparently, I needed to switch to something less exact. It still feels like I'm playing with adult crayons, but that's sort of the fun of it.

That does sound like the best way to go about it. All I can do there is wish you luck, navigating all this, post-insects. There are a lot of days when I don't envy you wardens your jobs.

My sister had a greater skill with them than I did. Mary always thought of them as pure color that she could hold in her hand. Perhaps that is a more enjoyable way to consider them, no?

As for your wishes, I do thank you.

[ A deep breath. ]

I have no doubt you are aware that your warden wished to have you at the discussion. I would like to address with you, at least, why I rejected that notion, if you will hear my thoughts on the matter. It seems ill-fit to discuss art with you and pretend that we are not the same men involved in this difficulty.

Would you hear what I have to say?

[ Will hums in agreement when oil pastels are compared to being 'pure color'. Yes, that sounds right. But before he goes on about them, Reid brings up Shaw. And yeah, they should talk about that. ]

Sure. I suspect I know why, but please, go ahead.

May I hear your suspicions? [ Some weariness enters his tone. ] I have, I am sure, been suspected of many things, most of which has only been echoed and never entirely spoken. If you would prefer I speak my piece first, however, I will do so.

Ah, I really should've used a different term there. I forgot how many people you're probably dealing with.

Anyway- as I was telling Shaw, I'm not an aggrieved party. I haven't been directly harmed- physically or mentally- by Lestat. That he's attacked the three people I'm closest to here is not...intentionally targeting me. It's merely an unfortunate coincidence.

[ He lets out a small sigh at the end of that. It is frustrating, after all. ]

[ Reid takes a moment to tally though what he knows. But before he asks his question- ]

Would you be comfortable speaking to me on the topic here? Or with your warden at a separate time?

I do not mean to silence your voice in this, Mr. Graham, nor to discount the burden of grief and the suffering of others. I am greatly familiar with it, in truth.

[ He would share that with Will some other time; now, he feels, it would reek of shifting the focus of sympathy and he's not at all interested in that. ]

There was a request by one who had a direct stake in the proceedings, and given the matter at hand, it felt only right to give that concern precedence. I will also admit a desire to keep the gathering as small as possible such that it may remain focused; there is already eight wardens involved, including one who is not involved at all that was requested by Miss Shaw for what I believe was interpersonal reasons.

Edited 2023-06-21 21:28 (UTC)

[ Will can guess who it was that didn't want him there, but he's not going to bring it up. It really isn't relevant here. ]

Interpersonal...? Oh, because of her issues with emoting. Right, that's probably a good idea. Regardless, those reasons make sense to me. I don't want to intrude if someone specifically asked that I not be there.

And sure, I don't mind talking with you about this. I do want to preface any questions you might have with the fact that I spent a lot of the last decade watching people die or get maimed around me. That was a targeted series of attacks by a serial killer who only wanted me in his life. So watching other people get manipulated or hurt is tough, for me. Being helpless to stop it is abhorrent.

[ He does not need to breathe to live, but he does need to breathe to talk, and there are certain muscle memories that do not fade so quickly. The faint shudder to his breath out holds the rumble of the battlefield and the weeping of men dying in the distance. He spent the last few years on the battlefield and after that, in the streets of a plague-ridden immortal Disaster. He understands. He very much understands.]

I am familiar with that sort of helplessness. Certainly not in the same context, but...

I have met at least one serial killer. I cannot imagine being the focus of such a man.

It was certainly...all-encompassing. None of us got out unscarred. Many didn't get out at all.

It has made me wary of getting close with people, lest he reappear. But the Barge seems insistent on throwing us all together anyway. I've given up being quite so careful.

As awful as it may sound to say, I am... in at least one sense glad to hear it. I am sorry you were forced to guard yourself so. And that the shadow of that experience has... purposefully or not, darkened your door again.

I would work to ease that concern. I swear to you that all I hold dear rests upon what I believe to be the path to that for this particular spectre, at the very least.

[ He considers the talk he had with Neal. ]

...would you care to talk to him? Lestat, I mean. Supervised. Should your warden not object; I don't mean to put anything between you.

[ Will doesn't think that his outlook change is anything healthy- he basically had to deem those he was close to as 'acceptable losses' or remain lonely. He just didn't have it in him to cut himself off while being forced to interact.

He considers admitting this, then puts it away for now. They've all been far too open lately. Both that, and the question, have him pausing before he answers. ]

I could. And I appreciate the offer. But I don't know what it'd do for either of us. I doubt he's even heard my name.

And yet, he has affected you so cruelly. I will not pretend that seeing your face and hearing your voice will strike him to the heart, Mr. Graham. But... I do think it is people like yourself that he has lost sight of.

I would not ask you for his sake, however. I ask for yours. I know what it is to know the source of your suffering and feel as if you cannot catch hold of it. I admit it will not be as satisfying as one might hope, it was not for me, but it was... something.

I already had my satisfying catch, back home. I died taking that killer with me. I won't pretend I'll get another conclusion like that, especially in this place where there is the option to be better.

[ He's quiet as he thinks, his breath barely audible over the communicator. ]

If you think it would be a method of eventually getting through to him, making him see the damage for the value it is- I'll trust your opinion on that. And I'll talk to him. Provided Shaw is okay with it, of course.

Of course. I would not wish to act against her wishes. But I do think it will, though I have no hope of immediate revelation and would not claim as such.

Would you prefer to broach the topic to her or shall I?

I'll talk to her about it. I understand her well, and I know the topic of Lestat is a sensitive one for her. Do you think I should wait until after the meeting? I don't mind broaching this after everything's settled down.

This is the solution I intend to propose, in truth: facing those he has hurt who would allow for it.
Given your knowledge of her, and your own comfort, I would leave that choice in your hands though you are welcome to tell me if you require anything else.

More importantly... is there anything you would wish for me to hear, to know? Do you feel your grievance heard?

Hmmm. Yes, I think so. It sounds like you understand why that was so hard for me, when I'm only indirectly connected to what's been happening.

Thank you for hearing me out, Doctor Reid. I'll let you know what Shaw says, after I broach the subject with her.

Of course. If you have any other questions, you're welcome to come by or contact me here, of course.

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